Cough…cough…how to use up all that leftover candy that you definitely didn’t just absent-mindedly nom through one evening while watching the latest episode of American Horror Story: Coven.

[highlight]”I used to think the brain was the most important organ in the body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.” –Emo Phillips [/highlight]

The brain is clearly the most superior of all the organs, and I’m not just saying that because it told me to.  Well I kind of am.  Ok, I totally am, but with other good–nay, delicious–justifications.  After all, my brain is what told me to buy a couple gallons of cider at the Dexter Mill a couple weeks ago and my brain is what told me to use that cider to make apple syrup, which was delicious, and my brain decided that if apple syrup is good then apple caramel sauce must be just as delicious and obviously, if the brain thinks it’s true, then it must be. Continue reading →

If you just now realized that tomorrow is Mothers Day and have yet to do anything for your respective maternal figure, don’t worry.  I’ve got just the solution to your procrastinatory, slack-alicious problem: these mini homemade mounds bars.  Or as I prefer to call them, “Mounds Bites,” since they’re just little nuggets of candy. Because moms like chocolate and moms like coconut and moms like things that are homemade.  And because these are quick and easy and have garnered rave reviews for me the past couple of days and since they’re bite-sized, it makes for easier portion control. Also, did I say they were delicious?  Cause they are.

So make a quick trip to the store, throw a batch together, nestle them into a pretty container and let your mom know how much you care…about her having delicious eats.  Do it for the noms.  I mean, moms.  Do it for the moms. Continue reading →

Does making a Bart Simpson/Butterfinger joke make me old?  No, of course not, don’t be silly.  But the fact that the Simpsons as we know them debuted on my seventh birthday in 1989 makes me feel old.  And awesome at the same time.  I never liked Butterfingers as a kid, cowabunga-cred notwithstanding.  Even now, I don’t eat them.  I much prefer my candy bars to either be all chocolate and nuts or contain vast amounts of caramel.  Josh, though, Josh loves Butterfingers.  Josh likes any combination of peanut butter and chocolate but Butterfingers are his go-to candy bar when we’re on the road and we’ve stopped in to a gas station for a pick-me-up.  So when I started experimenting in making homemade versions of popular candy bars last year, this was his request, and it was seconded by my friend Tim.  I sort of slowed down the candy-train a bit over the last few months due to just being busy with other things but now, spring is in the air, Valentine’s Day has come and gone, Easter is around the corner…the allure of melted chocolate is once again knocking on the proverbial door.  Continue reading →

I’m calling these my homemade Take 5 bars but really, there are only four lights ingredients.  Caramel.  Chunky peanut butter.  Pretzel.  And chocolate.  Oh unless you count awesome as an ingredient.

These candy bars came as a request, as pretty much all my candy bars do, this time from my friend Chase.  He sent me a recipe, which I pretty much ignored, as I am wont to do.  The story goes something like this:

Once upon a time, in the magical land of NotOhio, there was a little boy.  One day, this little boy felt a rumbly in his tumbly and lo, headed off in the direction of the nearest 7-Eleven to find something to sate his orangutan-sized hunger.  He perused the aisles of this and that, passing Hershey bars and Reese’s peanut butter cups and something called a Goober when his eyes fell upon a beautiful stranger the likes of which he had never seen before, a coquettish, salty yet sweet little minx all wrapped up in  red.  Hey you, she called out, you, with the face.  Why don’t you take a little time out with me?  Just Take 5, just Take 5…”

I’m just going to leave that right there. Continue reading →

I want to make a disclaimer on this post: I don’t really eat that much junk food.  Honestly.  I know it seems like it, what with every other post being a chocolate cake or a marshmallow mousse or fruity alcoholic drink or yet another homemade candy bar.  I eat a lot of fruit, veggies, whole grains and nonfat dairy.  Honestly.  It’s just that those things aren’t nearly as fun to write about.

But anyway.  Let’s move on to the topic at hand.  Which is a post on yet another homemade candy bar!  But not just any candy bar: homemade Heath bars.  Do you know what a Heath bar is?  I didn’t.  It’s toffee, wrapped in chocolate.  Do you know what toffee is?  Sugar and butter.  Which is then smothered in chocolate.  So that’s three essential food groups right there.  Oh and there’s nuts, too, so that’s…you know…vitamin E.  And protein…

My boss Lynne requested these.  And I blame Jeff.  He started this, requesting a batch of homemade Snickers bars, which turned out remarkably well.  Then another coworker requested M&Ms, which I haven’t figured out yet, and then Lynne requested Heath bars for her birthday.  Now that those are conquered, I’ll have to work on Take 5 bars, Butterfingers and Twixes.  And then I’m going to fall into a deep sugar coma that will hopefully last all winter, so I can skip the whole “freezing my butt off” thing.

Continue reading →

Oh yeah, we’ve hit the big time here.  That’s right, this is my 200th post on this blog.  200 entries of deliciousness, tastiness, snarkiness and about 1,322.57 other -nesses that need not be named.  I had to prepare something special for this momentous occasion.  I decided to make something that covered all the bases: included chocolate and caramel, wasn’t something you’d generally think of making on your own, had a few different steps but wasn’t overly complicated.  Snickers bars.

You can think our friend Jeff for this.  At some point, Jeff got the bright idea that if he just posted a recipe to my facebook page, I would then make it for him.  It was a risky gamble.  Actually, not that risky.  He was pretty much right.  As I’ve proven here.  Anyway, he posted a link to this recipe for snickers bars.  I was intrigued.  I like making my own candy–I mean, so far I’ve done mints, peanut butter cups, chocolate and turtles.  But I’d never made nougat before.  Or as complicated a candy as a Snickers bar.  And I love Snickers bars.  I love anything that includes chocolate, caramel and nuts.  So I gave it a go. Continue reading →

I don’t know what to tell you about this particular experiment except for two things:

1. I don’t know why I didn’t think of doing this a long time ago
2. Because of this experiment, I found and bought and now have 100 reeeeeeally tiny cupcake wrappers.  Like, “Honey I Shrunk the Cupcake Liners.”  And, like all miniature versions of things, they are adorable.

In addition to the tiny cupcake liners, I used a few regular sized ones to make some giant peanut butter cups.  It’s like a game of Big Cup, Little Cup.

I really like making my own candy.  I pretend that I am Willy Wonka and my house is a factory and my dog is an Oompa Loompa.  Given a little time, I may in fact convince Josh to build me a river of chocolate.  I shall call it “Bob.”  I always keep chocolate in the house, for snacking, for cocoa, for baking, for scrubbing my skin.  In fact, I bought five pounds of chocolate chips at By the Pound this weekend and Josh said, “That’s quite a bit of chocolate,” as if my procurement was odd, unnatural or unnecessary.  You can never have too much chocolate.  In fact, when I die, you all might as well just slice me open; there’s a 35.8% chance I’m made of hot chocolate. Continue reading →

I always liked Peppermint Patty, maybe because she was a tomboy and I was a tomboy.  However, I never liked peppermint patties, because they were made of mint and I did not like the “curiously strong” flavor of mint.  This would later be amended to allow for the presence of mint in mojitos which is, I declare, the greatest of all mixed drinks.

I think some affinities–and aversions– for certain foods is genetic.  Like cilantro.  Some people love cilantro.  Some people may have a gene that makes them think that cilantro tastes like soap.  Apparently mint is not one of those foods, though.  My parents love chocolate mints.  I do not.  When I was a kid, we used to go to the dime store (it had a real name, but damned if I remember what it was.  I’m not sure I ever knew—we always just called it the “dime store”) or Krogers and my mom used to buy herself an occasional treat at the checkout counter and it was usually a York peppermint patty.  My dad did it, too.  They always offered me a bite and I always turned it down.  I don’t believe that mint should go into chocolate.  Mint should go into Cuban alcoholic beverages.  Or toothpaste.  Or you can chew fresh mint leaves like my grandmother does for a quick fresher-upper after dinner.  But not into chocolate.  You know what should go into chocolate?  Nothing.  It’s already perfect.  That was a trick question. Continue reading →

I made some Christmas gifts this year.  Partially due to my natural inclination towards creativity, partially due to my incredible edible prowess, partially due to our unfortunate timing in deciding to buy a house during the holiday season and therefore having very little funds available to do anything but pay for inspections and appraisals.

Anywho, along with my current favorite beauty item, my chocolate salt scrub, and tins of my homemade instant hot cocoa, I thought I’d put together a little somethin’-somethin’ for people to nibble on: chocolate turtles.  Yes, those delicious, wonderful, gooey caramel and nut filled delights named after one of the greatest of all God’s creatures: the Koopa Troopa from Super Mario Brothers. Continue reading →