Wait, what’s that?  You don’t brine your turkey?  Mother of God.  That’s like saying you hate puppies, or that Ron Swanson isn’t a god amongst fictional and nonfictional men.  Brining is essential.  It is the easiest way to awesomize a turkey that there ever was, and it won’t burn down your house either (unless you’re doing something really, really wrong).  I know you’re already stressed out and, like Jack Bauer, you’re running out of time! (I’m full of tv references today), but that’s ok.  This will only take a few minutes and you probably already have everything you need to do it.

So let’s tart with the basics.  What is brining anyway?

At the very least, you need water and salt.  That’s it.  You would have a perfectly moist, delicious turkey once you’re done.  I like to add other flavors though.  You can either buy brining mixes or make your own–I’ve added links to some recipes below to give you ideas.  Josh and I brine all of our turkeys, and sometimes chickens too.  For Thursday, I’m doing an apple cider brine.  Basically, I’m going to

• use apple cider and chicken stock in place of water, and mix in salt, brown sugar, pepper, sage, a cinnamon stick and apple peel.  All of that will be boiled together until the salt dissolves and then cooled downl
• put a fresh garbage bag in a bucket or a clean trash can.  Put the turkey, cleaned (and empty the cavity, too) inside the trash bag.
• pour the brining liquid over the turkey, close the bag and let it sit overnight or up to 24 hours in a cool place.
• pull the turkey out of the brine when I’m about ready to put it in the oven, drain the water and pat it dry
• cook my turkey as normal (which in my case is roast it first at a high temp of 450-500F for a half hour, then lower the temperature to 350F and cook for about 20 minutes per pound).
• nom nom nom!

That’s easy, right? Right.

Well here’s some recipes to get you started:

• Cider Brine from MyRecipes
• Apple-rosemary brine from Babble.com
• Maple brined turkey from Burp Recipes
• Citrus and herb brine from SkinnyTaste
• PatioDaddioBBQ’s Ultimate Thanksgiving Brine
• Soy sauce brined turkey from Gastronomy Blog
• Hate a wet bird?  Try this dry brine from The Galley Gourmet
• Or this orange dry brined turkey from The Local Kitchen Blog

So try it.  Believe you me, your tastebuds and grateful family members will thank you.  And most of all…have a happy, healthy, tasty holiday and try not to stress too much.  It’s just a bird.

Related posts:

1. Sriracha-brined chicken and oil poached tomatoes
2. Apple Syrup. Yes, that’s a thing.

The story behind this is that basically I decided that I wanted to make apple syrup, much like I’d made pomegranate syrup before (on the way to making pomegranate molasses) because the idea of french toast with apple syrup sounded delightful.  Doesn’t it sound delightful?

I did a bit of looking around on “the Googles” as some of you might adorably say and found that apple syrup recipes vary widely and the amount of sugar in them ranges from “pre-diabetic friendly” to “oh my god, I got a cavity just reading that.”  This recipe is somewhere in the middle.  Apples are pretty sugary; I didn’t feel the need to really jack-up the sucrose level but hey, that’s just me.  This recipe also makes a very small batch, so you can try it out without wasting a lot of cider, and it’s great for one or two person households.

Almost immediately after I finished the syrup, I made a batch of french toast.  Lovely sourdough bread, eggs, milk, a dash of vanilla and a fair bit of butter for frying in.  I mean, the syrup needs a vehicle.  I couldn’t just drink it.  (I thought about it.  I decided that was too much.)  So I made a batch of french toast, poured on the apple syrup and then tasted it.  And I’m such a good person.  Here’s how good of a person I am—I even shared the french toast with Josh.  No, really, I did.  And he declared it was fantastic. So there you go.  Josh Seal of Approval.

If you get to a point where the syrup threatens to bubble up and out of the pot, turn off the heat and stop; you are definitely there.  Letting it go much further will give you basically apple marmalade–still delicious, but not really “pourable.” 

Related posts:

1. Candy Apple
2. Hearts of Pom: French Toast Style
3. Apple French Toast Casserole

When I was young, I had one of the infamous Teen Talk Barbies.  She and I would have long, imaginary conversations about the sociopolitical unrest in the Middle East, the impending real estate bubble, the stylistic value of cinéma verité…you know, all the usual interests of a ten year old girl.  At least, I would talk about those things.  Barbie, dear sweet, plastic-headed Barbie, would spout delightfully silly exclamations, like “Wanna have a pizza party?” and “Math class is tough.  Let’s go shopping!”

Actually, that’s not true.  I never had one of those Barbies and I only know about the infamous Teen Talk version off the doll because it was later parodied in a Simpsons episode where Lisa’s Malibu Stacy doll proclaims, “Math is hard.  Let’s go shopping!”

But let’s pretend for the sake of this post that I did have one of those dolls and in that case, alternative-reality me would be reminded of it years later when various friends and readers would flop down in their chairs, sigh, or type frowny-faced emoticons into messages and declare, “Cooking is hard.  Let’s eat out.”

Now, I may never teach you to like math–I’m not even going to try; after all, this is “Have Fork, Will Eat” not “Have FOIL, Will Calculate.”  I will, however, try to prove to you that not only is cooking not hard but it can also make basic math terribly tasty like these delicious make-ahead recipes that can be added to future meals for a nice boost of flavor and are easy to multiply and divide so you can make as much or as little as you want.

The first is easy caramelized onions.  To make it even more entertaining than my already witty prose (right? right?!), I even wrote it up for you in comic form.  These onions take a while to cook, that’s true.  But they’re very simple to make, they don’t need to be watched constantly and you can cook as many onions as you want.  Then they can go in an airtight container in the fridge and be added to other dishes when you want to get some of that sweet, slow-cooked flavor in a hurry.  I’ve been adding them to pastas and casseroles and cold salads…anything, really!  Download the comic to get the caramelized onion recipe.

The second is slow-roasted tomatoes.  This delightful recipe came from the invaluable Smitten Kitchen and do you know how easy it is?  Slice tomatoes.  Place on foil-lined baking sheet with garlic cloves that you don’t even have to peel.  Sprinkle with olive oil and seasoning.  Roast at a low temperature for a long time.  Put in airtight container to store and add to other yummy meals.  Boom.  Done. Don’t believe me?  Get the slow roasted tomato recipe from the Smitten Kitchen.

There.  That’s it.  A little bit of very easy prep when you have the time and you’ve got delicious, super-concentrated flavor boosters to add into any random meal you throw together.  Mmmm.  Delicious math.

No related posts.

But yesterday, we were will enough to go back to work.  And the little fish who controls the weather felt accommodating enough to make it sunny and warm, which was most appreciated.  At some point during the day–and I blame Chase for this–the idea of grilling burgers started fluttering around in my head.  Normally, I prefer ideas not flutter around in my brain.  It tickles, for one thing, and the noise is a bit disturbing.  But this idea was so appealing, I let it slide.  After all, I’ve been itching (figuratively, I swear) to get my grill on for weeks now.  Not to mention that grilling is a relatively easy, low-maintenance way to cook dinner and a good way for me to ease back into cooking while I recovered.  Clearly summer was trying to break free from Cold Miser’s grasp.  That made it my duty to embrace it with a good grilled burger, which, let’s be honest, is the epitome of summer itself.

I assume that thought–summer–is what spurred on the desire for chimichurri sauce.  There are certain foods that just make me feel summery.  Burgers, naturally.  Grilled ones.  Chili dogs from Bill’s Hot Dog Stand.  Mojitos.  Agua fresca.  And chimichurri sauce.

I’ve mentioned chimichurri sauce before.  Let’s hop into the Waaaay Back Machine all the way to…oh…last spring and you might remember a little tree-cutting party we had on the property of our then-new-old house.  To thank everyone for helping Josh do some work, I made mojito slushies, baked a big pernil pork roast and served it with a  side of chimichurri sauce, which is basically an Argentinian condiment made from herbs, garlic, olive oil and vinegar.  It’s delicious.  I like to serve it on pork or chicken, as a dipping sauce for chips, on top of soup…and in a good burger.  The second best thing about it–besides it’s deliciousness level, which is very high–is how easy and customizable it is.  It’s kind of one of those “toss in what you have” sort of deals and it makes whatever else you’re serving seem suddenly very exotic.

This is one of those things I don’t really have a recipe for, so just follow my lead and adjust things where you need to:

• I started with whatever herbs I had on hand going into a blender.  This turned out to be a few sprigs of thyme (leaves only), a couple large sprigs of rosemary (leaves only), some sage and a handful of cilantro.
• I added in two whole cloves of garlic.
• Also a good sized pinch of red pepper flakes, salt and pepper.  Because the spice must flow.
• Then a dash of apple cider vinegar…or regular vinegar or a different kind of vinegar if you have it on hand.
• Start whirring that up in the blender.
• Then drizzle in the olive oil.  Now, I made the snap decision here to use the rest of my blood orange olive oil from Old World Olive Press, which was about a quarter of a cup, and then supplement the rest with regular olive oil.  I didn’t think for a minute that it wouldn’t be delicious.  I knew it would.  There’s no way that combination of flavors is going to miss.  What I didn’t think about until after I had blended everything together and drizzled in the oil until the mixture got to a nice consistency and then poured half of it into the raw beef I had sitting in a bowl…was whether or not it would taste weird in a burger.

But it didn’t.  It tasted delicious.  I used a fork to fluff the ground grass-fed beef we were using and incorporate half the chimichurri into the meat.  Now, just a note here, the extra bit of fat from the oil does make the patties a bit less likely to stay together well on the grill, so you may want to include some ground almonds for binding.  I do it in meatballs all the time.  Works out marvelously.  I didn’t do that here though.  I just powered through.  Using an ice cream scoup, I portioned the meat into 4 beautiful chimichurried balls and then flattened them out slightly into patties and grilled them, alongside some beautiful slices of red onion.

The final burger ended up being: slices of grilled red onion, the burgers, melted sharp white cheddar cheese, slices of fresh avocado, more chimichurri sauce and a nice soft bun.  Josh complimented me later on my boldness for making a burger that was like 90% fat.  Well-marbled grass feed beef at like 85%, plus olive oil, plus avocado…it was like fat on top of fat on top of fat.  Meta fat.  But delicious fat.  And heart-healthy ones too, so don’t be afraid to embrace it.  You might want to stick to just one burger, though.  And I did eat mine with some steamed green beans.  Cough.  With olive oil.  Cough.

Whatever.

Related posts:

1. Our default summertime meal this year is definitely grilling burgers
2. A Hamburger Named Happiness
3. Home, home on the range…something, something buffalo

That joke is what I’m always reminded of when I think about dates, the fruit.  If you’ve never had a date, they are these delicious little elongated fruits that come from a tree called a date palm, indigenous to the Middle East.  You can usually find them dried, sometimes pitted and bagged in the grocery store.  They are delicious in savory and sweet dishes and are often the base for various healthy snackbars, like Lärabars or Youbars.  In fact, those very bars are the inspiration for these little snackables. 

I wanted a little snack I could keep on hand that would be sweet but not necessarily as deadly as say, my caramel bars.  These are great because they are little, sweet, light but satisfying, easy to make with few ingredients and easy to customize.  And, of course, you don’t have to be very precise with your measuring either, which is good because if my cooking style can be described as anything, it’s “lackadaisical.”

Chocolate Laur-a-balls
Makes 16 or so

8oz pitted dried dates
1/2 c. whole almonds
1/2 c. dried unsweetened coconut flake
1 tbsp vanilla
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1/2 c. chocolate chips

Put dates, almonds, coconut, vanilla and cocoa into a food processor and grind until relatively smooth, about two minutes.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Mold date “dough” into 1 inch balls and place in an airtight container.  Revel in your status as master of the universe.

Related posts:

1. Apricot and cinnamon are totally going together but don’t want anyone to know
2. Seven-Deadly-Layer Bars
3. Granola Bar Cookies

But that’s ok, because summer marches on an endless parade in my head.  Well, summer and a small battalion of green plastic army men, à la Toy Story but with less realism.  I decided that since I was on my own, I should make a dinner that was as seasonally uplifting as my imagination.  In the winter, I stay about two energy levels above hibernation and only because as of this writing, there is no way for humans to safely and economically hibernate through the less desirable parts of the calendar so far as I know.  (If you know of something…email me.)  I stay indoors, surrounded by warm blankets and fuzzy socks and eat hot, heavy, delicious comfort foods like chili, short ribs, mac and cheese, meatballs and lasagna.  But in the summer, I tend to slide more towards light, fruit and veggie heavy meals.  This dinner totally fits the bill.

This was quick, easy, tasty and full of flavors that I love–chicken, coconut, chili pepper, strawberries, lime.  It’s a perfect meal to make for the family, or just for yourself and have plenty of leftovers for lunch.  First, I melted a bit of butter in a large skillet with some olive oil over really high heat.  Then I sprinkled about a pound’s worth of boneless, skinless chicken breasts with salt and pepper and placed them seasoned-side down in the pan once the butter had started to brown.  Then I sprinkled the top side of the chicken with salt and pepper as well.  Once the bottom side had browned nicely–about 4-5 minutes–I flipped the breasts over and then poured in one can of coconut milk.  Coconut milk is a wonderful thing.  When it hits the hot pan, it sizzles and it bubbles and it smells amazing.  Then I sprinkle it with a tablespoon of red pepper flake, a coupel dashes of lime juice and just let everything cook until the chicken is done and the milk has reduced down to just a small bit of delicious sauce, around 15-20 minutes.  Serve the chicken with a little bit of the pan sauce.  I also added some snap peas to the side, a sprinkling of this goat’s milk feta cheese I am currently addicted to and a generous helping of my strawberry salsa.

The salsa is even easier to make than the chicken.  Really.  Any shmuck could make this salsa.  Replacing the tomatoes with strawberries gives you a nice, light, sweet condiment without the acidity and is just kind of a nice change from the usual.  If you don’t like heat in your salsa, use the recipe as is.  If you like heat, add in a chopped jalapeno or serrano–as much as you like.  Also, what’s listed below is enough salsa to serve with the chicken for two people.  Obviously, adjust the quantities to fit your dinner plans and your tastes.

Strawberry Salsa

1/2 pint fresh strawberries, sliced
2 tbsp chopped red onion
1 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro
2 tbsp lime juice
salt and pepper to taste

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl.  Let sit for at least 20 minutes to let the flavors blend.  Eat.  Be happy.

Related posts:

1. Seeing Red: Farmers Markets and Roasted Tomato Salsa
2. Strawberry Tiramisu
3. Is this summer? I’ve been awaiting your call

Lemon curd

So I set about trying it out on Saturday morning.  After a week away, it was a relief to be back in my own kitchen, puttering away.  I debated whether to add another flavor in with the pomegranate in the curd.  I didn’t want to do lemon–although I will try that next–because I didn’t want its flavor to overpower that of the pomegranate.  I also didn’t want something super citrusy.  I decided on vanilla, figuring it would make an elegant, rich companion and it did. 

The pom curd didn’t set up as thick as the lemon did, but it definitely came out luscious and elegant.  Rather unique in flavor, actually.  I added food coloring to it to brighten the color–while the pomegranate juice is a delightful red, mixing it with eggs just produced a dull brown color that belied the deliciousness of the concoction.

Josh tasted it when all was said and done and promptly declared that it was delicious and that it should be filling for a cake, white or chocolate.  So I baked a chocolate cake, sliced it in half, poured the curd between the layers and sprinkled it with powdered sugar.  Delicious indeed.  The next day, I took some of the leftover cake, crumbled it up and made a trifle with layers of cake, drizzles of pomegranate curd and light tufts of whipped cream.

So yes, the pomegranate curd works out quite nicely.  What kind of curd should I make next?

Pomegranate-Vanilla Bean Curd
Makes 1 pint

5 tbsp Pom Wonderful pomegranate juice
1 tsp vanilla bean paste
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs and 2 egg yolks, whisked together
1/4 cup butter, chopped
5-7 drops red food coloring

Combine pomegranate juice, vanilla bean, sugar, food coloring and eggs in a medium heat-safe bowl.

Put about an inch of water in a medium sized pot (something the bowl will fit safely in without touching the water) and bring it to a simmer.  Place the bowl in the pan and cook until thickened, stirring constantly, about 10-15 minutes.  It will sort of thicken up all at once, so keep an eye on it.  It will continue to get thicker as it cools.

Turn off the heat, add in the butter and stir in until melted and thoroughly incorporated.  Pour it into a glass jar or bowl, cover and place in the fridge to set.

Related posts:

1. A real sunny delight: Meyer Lemon Curd
2. Two ways from sundae: pomegranate and chocolate
3. Vanilla cupcakes with roasted banana frosting

I like making my own bath scrubs for a few reasons.  One, way cheaper.  Two, super easy–I can use stuff I already have in the pantry anyway and all I have to do is mix it together.  Three, I can control and pronounce the name of every ingredient in it.  I like to have very soft, healthy skin.  I am very skin-oriented and dedicated to the idea that the best way to improve and maintain your skin’s quality comes down to what you put in your body and what you put on it.  Don’t believe me?  I even have a free e-pamphlet stating as much with a bunch of different DIY food-based concoctions (see the Foodie Skin Care page). Your skin likes to eat and drink just like your tummy.  In fact, for the purposes of this post, consider them one and the same.  Both need nourishment, both enjoy a good helping of healthy fats and antioxidants, both need hydration.  And your nose loves the smell of things that make both your tummy and your skin happy–almonds, oatmeal, olive oil, sugar, vanilla.

Later this weekend, I will probably cannibalize the lemons I’ve got sitting in my pantry for another bath scrub, one a bit brighter with a more citrusy pick-me-up kind of scent, but I wanted to share this one because it’s utterly calming. It makes me feel very zen.  It’s soft and light and sweet.  It makes your skin feel silky but not quite as moist as the chocolate scrub does.  If you do want that feeling, though, feel free to add in a bit of almond or vitamin e oil as well.

Vanilla-Almond Sugar Scrub
Makes 1 pint worth

1/2 c. raw almonds
1/2 c. raw sugar (or regular sugar)
1/2 c. old fashioned oats
1 tbsp vanilla bean paste (or just extract if you’re in a bind)
1/2-3/4 c. olive oil
Optional–2 tbsp vitamin e oil, or sub a quarter of the olive oil for sweet almond oil

Mix the first 4 ingredients together in a food processor.  Grind for a couple of minutes, streaming in the oil until the almonds have been finely chopped and everything is well mixed and soft.  Put into a bath-safe container, like a plastic or glass jar, and seal the lid on.

To use: In the shower, gently rub a handful of the scrub all over your skin.  Rinse with warm water and pat yourself dry at the end of the shower.

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Related posts:

1. Foodie Skin Care
2. It rubs the lotion on its skin: chocolate salt body scrub
3. Play with your food: natural skin care

“Like awesome! Oh, wow!  Like totally freak me out.  I mean, right on!  Tamales sure are number one!”

Oh come on.  I know that every single one of you use cheers from Bring It On in your daily life.

But we have more important things to discuss than Kirsten Dunst’s witty, razor-sharp cheer-snark.  We have tamales.

This is going to be a long post.  If you need to use the bathroom, I suggest taking your laptop with you.

THIS GOT STARTED BECAUSE…

…I’m not really sure why.  At some point months ago, Chase and I were discussing tamales, probably as part of a larger discussion about Pilar’s tamale cart and street food in general.  We decided, “You know what?  We should totally make our own tamales sometime!”  It was just like that, only pretend we sound more sophisticated about it.  Flash forward to a short time later and I brought up the idea to Paul, who was like, “Yeah, I used to do that with my grandmother.”  Light bulb!  The three of us agreed, yes, we would have to do this.  We’d use Paul’s experience and his grandmother’s recipe and my kitchen and an entire Saturday and just get. it. done!

FOUR OR FIVE MONTHS LATER…

“We should probably schedule that tamale thing.”
“Yeah.”
“Ok let’s just pick a date.”
“Ok.”
(Insert various technical difficulties in establishing an online group chat, followed by a lengthy, somewhat coherent discussion about dates and availability and the impending holiday season here.)

THREE WEEKS LATER
“Hey, isn’t TamaleFest this weekend?”
“Oh, s***, yeah!  We should probably get on that.  What do we need again?  Everything?”
FRIDAY

TamaleFest was going to be reasonably small—there were 6 of us involved.  I say “reasonably small” because our last food festival, BBQFest, in September, had about 40 attendees.  Paul was going to be the band director in the great tamale symphony, being the only one of us who actually knew what he was doing.  The rest of us–Chase, Brian, Rita, Josh and I– were there to work and learn.

We’d decided we’d do two types of tamales: pork (because it’s easy to find pork shoulder for cheap at Costco and because it’s delicious), and bean and cheese (Paul’s a vegetarian).  If you’ve never made tamales before, they rather intensive and there’s a lot of components to put in place.  It really is a group effort and you  want to make a big batch to make all the effort worth it.  We split up the gathering of the essentials:

• Paul got the corn husks and chihuahua cheese, and made the beans and the masa (Yes, Paul did most of the work.)
• Brian and I each bought, slow-cooked and shredded a little over 10 pounds of pork (total).
• Chase brought the really important items: alcohol.  And food to nibble on.
• Rita made the mimosas.  And then proceeded to kick everyone’s ass at whipping out those tamales.

The pork cooked all day Friday (or all night, in Brian’s case), simmering slowly in a spice blend of ancho, hot chile powder, cumin, salt, pepper and cocoa.  Paul fried the beans, then slow-cooked them and we later added a blend of cumin, chile and ancho powder.  He also mixed several large pots worth of masa, which is the cornmeal mixture that wraps around the filling in a tamale (recipe below).

SATURDAY

Paul got to our place bright and early, and we immediately….went out to breakfast.  At Beezy’s.  You should always eat breakfast, kids, it’s the most important meal of the day.  Then we got back to the house, let the masa and pork sit out and come up to room temperature and waited for everyone else to arrive.

THE PREP

So here’s what had to happen:

• Mimosas had to be made.
• The corn husks come in giant bundles.  That’s a lot of corn husks.  They had to be separated, any debris cleared off and then soaked, so that they’d be pliable and easy to fold.  We did that in batches, so they wouldn’t get too waterlogged or dry out after being pulled from the bath.
• The masa had to be mixed up, spiced and ready to spread.
• A steamer  had to be created.  Tamales are steamed in batches.  We were hoping to make around 15 dozen tamales.  The thing about making tamales is that how many you make and how much of the raw components you need really depends on your preferences and how large you want the tamales to be.  When they’re assembled and folded, they get put in a large, heavy pot and steamed until the masa and filling have sealed together and the masa is no longer dough-y and begins to pull away from the cornhusks on its own.  We were using this 7 gallon pot Josh and Jeff use for brewing beer; it’s massive.  The tamales shouldn’t touch the water or the pan, and because we had so many, they were sort of piled on top of each other in an awesome tamale teepee, but that meant that Josh had to devise an internal structure for the tamales to rest on, above and away from the water.  He accomplished that with 1)the steamer pan from his steam canner, 2)a colander and 3) a tinfoil cylinder made from using a champagne bottle as a mold (and you thought the champagne was just for drinking).
• We had to set up an assembly station.  We used our dining room table, so we could sit down and have plenty of room.

THE ASSEMBLY

After getting everything ready for the first batch, which was gonna be pork, Paul gave us all a rundown of what had to happen and how to do it, including spreading the masa on the cornhusks, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do.  He also showed us how to properly fold a tamale and mentioned we shouldn’t bother trying to “tie” them because it was a lot of extra work and if they were folded and placed properly, it wouldn’t matter.  After that, we manned our stations.

Rita, Brian, Chase and Josh were “spreaders,” meaning they got out the just-soaked cornhusks, laid them flat on the table and spread a good cover of masa across the husk, which is the difficult, more time-consuming job as the masa is a bit hard to spread.  Then it went to me and Paul, who spooned in the filling, folded the tamales and placed them fold-down in the magnificent steamer scupture.

It was an interesting process.  Some corn husks were really big and needed to be cut down.  Some were too small to be useful.  The masa didn’t want to spread, or got stuck to the spoons, or your fingers.  We ate a lot of masa; it was really good and well spiced.  You had to figure out just how much pork to add in, how tightly to roll the tamale, how to keep them from falling over in the pot.  The average tamale is, I think, 3 or 4 ounces.  Ours were um….quite a bit bigger than that on average.  Maybe 5-7 ounces on average.  And then there was Big Bertha, Chase’s tamale, which weight in at a burrito-sized thirteen ounces.  No, seriously.  It was like the Arnold Schwarzenegger of tamales.

When we filled the pot, Josh and Paul carried it to the stove and, using a funnel, gingerly poured water into the bottom of the pan thanks to the tinfoil cylinder Josh had made.  Then the steaming began.  It took about 4 hours for that batch to properly steam, with Paul and Josh keeping an eye on it to make sure there was enough water in the pot.  When a batch finished, the tamales were pulled out of the pot with tongs, set aside to cool and bagged in freezer gallon bags, with the exception of a couple “test ones,” which we ate.

THE BREAK

Then we took a break.  We watched an episode of Glee and drank homemade hot cocoa spiked with peppermint schnapps or coffee liqueur. Hey, gotta keep your strength up!

THE REST OF IT

While the pork tamales steamed, we repeated the same procedure for the bean ones.  All in all, we went through 3 bowls,  I think,  of masa, 10 pounds of meat, Lord knows how many beans, two pounds of cheese and two giant packs of corn husks, plus two rounds of mimosas, one round of spiked cocoa, one round of pizza and wine and fourteen hours later.

FOURTEEN HOURS!
And that was just from the time we started on Saturday to the time when we pulled the last bean tamale of out the pot.  Yeah, that’s right.  It took about 3-4 hours to steam each pot of tamales, and we did about 3 pots.  We ended up with just over 15 dozen tamales, hitting our target perfectly.  Of course, some of our tamales were really the size of 2 or 3 normal ones but hey…they were all delicious and that’s what matters.

WHAT WE LEARNED

• Tamale making is hard and it takes a long time.  You should be prepared, and start early.  I have so much respect for people who make them for a living now.
• Tamale making is fun, though, and we’re gonna do TamaleFest again next year, with more people, maybe in shifts.  It’s a great way to spend a day where the weather is kind of crappy, just indoors, rolling tamales, hanging out with your friends.
• Mimosas and spiked cocoa=necessary.
• Tamales are pretty easy to customize.  You need to have the basic things–corn husks, masa and some filling.  The filling can be any kind of meat, beans, veggies, even fruit.  You just keep rolling until you run out of someting.  You can put in your own flavors, your own spices, your own anything.
• Don’t let the water run out while steaming.  Things will start to burn.  That is a bad. thing.
• Your finished tamales will be good for a few days, but after that can be frozen.  To reheat, just steam them again, or pan-fry them until the husks start to pull away from the filling.
• You can buy masa, you don’t have to make it.  But making it lets you customize it.  You can find a lot of things at some place like Meijer, but you should explore your area and try shopping at a Mexican market instead.
• You should try it.  Really.

Now, to help you try it, I’ve compiled the following resources:

• The Crepes of Wrath blog has an awesome write up of tamale making that was posted just as I was writing this!
• How to Make Tamales from About
• Making Tamales
• More about Tamales from AllRecipes
• Tamales in video!

Paul’s Grandma’s Tamale Recipe:

6 cups masa
5 cups warm water or chicken broth or Veg Stock or Pork Stock (also can use left over stock from your meat)
2 1/3 cups lard or shortening (2 2/3 Cup if using Veg stock or water)
1 tablespoon of backing power
Spice to taste with (or anything else you would like): onion powder, cumin, chile powder, salt

You can mix with a mixer, but it’s best to do it by hand.  Add more stock or masa to get the best consistency–should be similar to peanut butter.  If you store it overnight, add warm stock when you’re ready to get started and mix it again until you reach a good consistency.

No related posts.

But never fear, Random Internet Person.  All is not lost.  I mean sure, it’s mostly lost for about the next oh, seven months or so (I do live in Michigan), but there are a few hardy, rugged things that will help you get through the winter.

1. A bearskin rug.  Just looking at it will make you feel warmer.  Even better if the bear is still attached.  I mean, hey, nothing warms you up like cardio, right?  Run faster!

2. Comfort foods–lasagna, chili, stew, pulled pork, short ribs, cookies fresh from the oven—warm foods to heat your insides…and after all, after all that exercise running away from the bear, clearly what you need most is high-carb, high-fat, heavy foods to gently gel your insides into organ butter.

3. A heater.  Really people, pay your heating bills.

4. Hot sauce!  Hot sauce can go on anything.  Eggs, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, pastas, ice cream…and sure, there are fifty gazilliion different hot sauces out there you can buy but if you were going to do that, then why bother reading this recipe blog?  It surely can’t be just my witty repartee.  Clearly you have the desire to create.  So go ahead.  Satisfy your inner primal human nature and build fire…in your belly.  With hot sauce.

According to my Evernote, I first found this recipe for hot sauce on Saveur over a year ago–July 2009, to be exact.  And of course I quickly snipped it away into my digital notebook where for the next 15 months I would occasionally look at it longingly but mostly forget about it until my farm share ended in October this year and I amassed a good pound of Habanero chiles from the good folks at Needle Lane Farm.  Much like instincts tell the great grizzly bear that it’s time to hibernate, or eat a camper, I knew deep down that the time had come for me to make my own hot sauce.

I love spicy food.  I don’t eat it obsessively or anything and I’m not one of those people who goes all crazy trying to make things as hot as they can possibly stand.  I like actual flavor too.  But sometimes you just need a bit of a good kick.  Case in point: everyone knows that Zingerman’s has amazing mac-and-cheese. You know what makes it even better?  Ask for a side of their house hot-sauce.  I’m pretty sure it’s 1 part hot sauce, 2 parts butter but you know what?  It works.  And that was my goal with this sauce: create a delicious spicy sauce that you can then dilute down with massive amounts of melted butter to replenish you after your high-energy run from the bear!  Or something like that.

As odd as it seems, making hot sauce is actually ridiculously easy.  It takes a few days, yes, but that’s all down-time.  The only thing you really need to know about this is:

WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER HANDLING HOT PEPPERS.  NO SERIOUSLY.  Don’t make the mistake of certain people I know (you know who you are) who handle hot peppers, think you wash your hands enough and then go to remove your contact lenses.  That’s a bad idea.  Wash your hands thoroughly with milk, alcohol, something, even if you’ve been wearing gloves.  And keep them away from your face.  For a while.  If not, you will regret it. The only burning sensation should be in your satisfied tummy.  Remember that.

Anyway, making this was pretty easy.  So easy I’m going to try it again soon, see if I can deepen the flavor; it’s hot but I want to bring more characteristics out in it, so I may try a blend of chiles next time. What I ended up with was one bottle of  sauce, which admittedly is pretty thin as it’s just vinegar with chiles, and about 3 cups of what I can only describe as “chile paste,” which is the leftoer chile solids that the recipe instructs you to discard but I will not, good sir, because it is delicious and I have been putting it into everything.  Except chocolate sauce.  But now that I’m thinking about it…

Homemade Hot Sauce
from Saveur

1 lb. mixed medium-to-hot fresh
red chiles, like fresno, holland,
or cayenne, stemmed
3 tbsp. kosher salt
2 cups distilled white vinegar

1. Rinse the chiles in a colander under hot running water; pat dry. Transfer chiles to the bowl of a food processor along with the salt. Process, stopping occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula, until finely chopped, about 1 minute.

2. Transfer the chile mixture to a glass jar. Cover and let sit in a cool place to ripen for 2 days, without stirring.

3. Uncover and stir in the vinegar. Cover and let sit in a cool place for 5 days to let age and allow the flavors to meld.

4. Set a mesh strainer over a bowl. Pour the chile mixture into the strainer and press it through the mesh screen with the back of a spoon. Discard solids. Pour sauce into a glass bottle with a tight-fitting lid. Refrigerate for up to 6 months. Shake before each use.

Related posts:

1. Piri piri, agua fresca and other fun words I ate today
2. Hunger is the best sauce–if you add pomegranates and cream
3. Everything you ever didn't know you wanted to know about vinegar